Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Someone shit on the floor
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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