so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
