i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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