Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
