she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
