Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
