I got chris browned last night
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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