The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
