:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
