i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
