I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's Friday. Sex?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
