My liver just broke up with me...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
