I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
