so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
