kristin has been a bad kristin
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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