You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
FUCK WHALES
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
