I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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