i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
