Please, let me fuck your mom
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
