Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
