What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
