Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
