I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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