guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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