saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Let's get the cat blown out
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
