So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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