At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
