So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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