Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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