There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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