ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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