why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
