Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
