you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
