She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
