Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
