I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
