Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Jerry, you need to find god
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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