You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
