he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
