Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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