my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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