Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
