Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
