what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
