I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
