fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
