haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
