Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
