turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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